Christmas is approaching but its not the topic here, its my birthday that is. Well, I kindda despise the idea that another year has been added to the number years I have lived. But I had to face it. I am departing to an age where most men are wed or mostly successful in fulfilling their dreams yet I am not one of those. I am still stuck in things they call schooling and imaturity. Well, everyone has their place in time. And my place is this though its kindda “not common” on my perspective. But I had to deal with it. Someone asked me “Have you done anything for the past years you have?”. Well, things are clearer to me. I understood a few things and figured out a lot of stuffs. I may not be that mature but I am less imature than when I was a few years back. I am still single though but hopeless looking and waiting for the someone. There is still a room for making friends in my heart and for someone I could share my life with. Yes, I am getting old.. but not really on numbers but of things that was revealed to me in the years of my life.
Archive for Journal
When we are not happy?
According to a priest in his sermon, we are not happy when we don’t love. He based his idea on the fact that when someone loves, things would look different in that person’s eyes. A person that loves is happy being with the one he/she loves even if he/she would have to wait longer. When asked if that person is hungry and given that that person is in love, that person would not mind eating coz that person feels no need to eat. Even though quite short in cash, but for the person he/she loves he/she wants the best for that person. Love shortens our pessimism and widens our horizon. Love gives us reason to smile each day and be happy of what we already have and soon to have 
its good to love
I know its really good to love. Although they say its a painful thing, but they can’t deny that love made their lives more interesting and meaningful. Being able to carry something for the one you love makes the weight meaningless. Though you not interested by topic but you enjoy the conversation because your listening to voice of the person. Just by holding that person close to you, it makes that moment breathtaking. You never get tired of being with the person you love. Time goes by fast and you wished your moment together would last longer. You might think I am quite shallow on how I see this whole thing about love but let me say this to you, love is such an extraordinary feeling that for an ordinay guy like me it showed me , that with this feeling, fears, anxieties, ironies and odds would stumbled down at my feet.
Finding reason
Have you ever felt lonely? Well, if your normal then maybe once in your life you had been lonely. Being lonely, happy, or sad or even being angry is part of being human. But have you ever felt that you feel nothing? or the feeling of emptiness inside?. Well, i sometimes feel it too. Sometimes I see myself looking into the blankness. My mind tend to rest in the imagination. When I look up at stars at night, there’s something inside me that wants to be where the stars are.. because i think in those where the stars are lie the reason why I am here.. No one really knows what he is about to be until he is. Or no one really knows what he is destinied to be until he fulfilled his destiny…(libog?.. saunz)…. hmm.. sometimes because of thinking so much I just close my eyes and feel the breeze touching my body or the whistle of the wind in my ears. I know everything has a reason that’s why i want to know it.. for me knowing the reason would dignified every action I make in this life. And it would give meaning to why I am living for. Right now, I just live coz I need to or coz God give me time.. But for wanting to live, I dont know. It just so useless when everything you do you feel no soul in it. There is something missing.. Yet I dont know. Basic animal instinct strive me to go on each day. BUt you know what, each time my mind lift itself from the reality, I really pray that I would someday find my reason to live. Because I am like a zombie..(moving/living yet have no life). Everyday for me is just like another day. Another day to spend with people I hoped I never had known. ANother day of hardship yet I dont know what is this for me, not what other want me to think. Another day trying to convince myself that each morning/day has something to offer yet sometimes it has nothing. Maybe I just think too much of looking else where for the reason of my life.. maybe it was just right there before my eyes.. Once a friend said to me the most obvious things are the hardest things to notice… Maybe its true or maybe it is not.. i dont know..there are times I felt tired of thinking, I sometimes wished that at night when I closed my eyes, I would see no sunrise. But as you can see, God had not given my wish. Maybe someday when I fulfill what I have to do or if I had found my reason I would find peace. right now…… all i have to do… is do what I have to do coz maybe, just maybe on those things I will figure out the reason………
ignoring someone
“why ignoring this person doesn’t upset me?” hehe.. i have this weird question on my mind yesterday. A friend of mine answered that though that person is a friend, ignoring did not hurt its because of the reason why I am ignoring that person. She added that if that situation or scenario that happen between that person and me would fall between us, I might or she might feel the same as I am feeling. Well, she was right into saying those things. Perhaps, one might consider that ignoring someone is sometimes one of our best possible solution to problems that seemed hopeless into solving it Its not running away or not facing the problem between the 2 individuals but rather by providing space and less interaction might create a better understanding on how the things had happened. Well, I am glad that somehow things turned out the way I wanted to be… ignoring that someone until things would settle down between us.
Seeing the difference
Now it is june.. School starts and meeting now friends or hanging out with old ones .. Well, I missed school quite a bit. I want to make things serious in my academic life. I intend that this school year is my last. I don’t have plans to stay longer. It would only make me look a lot worst than a loser Anyways, on the start of a new journey, I can see somethings had changed. I hangout to fewer people now. Since most of them had graduated already and had jobs or had chose to stay home. But it was fine though. I am not that sad but its kind of a weird feeling. I can also sense the difference to my emotional state with respect to that PERSON compared to the few years back. I was glad to finally my system is starting to get rid of the feeling I had once. This is a new start for me. And this time, I want to be goal-oriented and be the best I could.
Simala Travel
Last April 13, my mom with the rest of the family went to Simala. I having gone to Simala for 3 times already and did not expected the kind of picture of it when we arrived there. If you have been to Sinulog, yesterday’s people was same as it was in Sinulog. There were so many people. It was so since it was the 13th day of the month and falls on a Sunday which according to some old folks in the area, is day of miracles of the virgin. It was not a good thing to be there since I was suffering from mingraine already. And the heat, crowd and the atmosphere in Simala is not helping my situation. But I’d still managed to be there for a few hours and attended the mass. And believe me, the number of people that goes out never compensates to the number people thats goes in. I did think yesterday that Mother Mary seen the people in Simala since there were scattereed rain shower on the area. It was quite refreshing but the fact that “from heat then rain” is not good. Wahaha.. It was dark when we arrived home. I did thank God since I was still in good shape althroughout the travel. It was an unforgetable experience. One thing I’ve learned that day, if you want to avoid a lot of people, go to Simala when its not Sunday and not the 13th day of the month. And one more thing, bring yourself only and dont be with someone else. So you wont have a hard time dragging someone along with you
broken promises
Well, i turned to be bad for breaking my promise to my mom to be home early. I did planned to be home early but a friend of mine invited me to hang out with some friends. I did like the idea since that friend would pay for my food. But the sad thing was I forgot to ask for permission to stay late or be late. I did anticipate on the time but I was so happy hanging out with my friends that I got lost track of time. The next thing I know it was 10:30 pm which was way past the time I promised to be home. When mom called on the cellular phone of my friend, I immediately got on the jeepney going home. Not only I did break my mom’s promise, I also broke one of my promises too. I did promise that I should stay away and ignore that person. And also as much as possible never ever speak of that word again. But me being an ass, broke it all. I clung to that person like a lizard. I did not ignore that person coz most of my attention was on that person. And not but not the least, I used that forbidden word many times. I know I did went so far in breaking my promises. But did I really broke them or was it still on the context? I did an emotional check within myself. And it was still my resolve. So it was nothing serious to impose a threat to me. I felt bad for the broken promises.. And I do my best to never do it again..
Sacrifices
Its been sad lately since I did not have good grades in all my higher math subjects. Its painful to see a lot of 5 in my report card. And now, this academic year, I would sacrifice what I think has been so deliberately useless in my academic life. Although they add spice to my college life but the fact that I need to concentrate so that I could graduate this year. I wish that I could make it since it would be a test of my determination against these things that is I consider now as temptations. I know I had been stupid to entertain these things and its never to late to make my last resolve. I know surrender them, so Help ME GOD.
A day with muscle pain
Since I put up a lot of stress to my upper body yesterday, it resulted to muscle pain in those areas. Sadly I need to go school today which I thought to be fruitful. But I ended to waste a lot of money with accomplishing less of my desired tasks for today. I came to help my friend from their physics experiments which was very very late. We had to sneak to her boarding house just to be able to be in her room and made their experiments there. I thought my day in school would ended up without seeing my batchmates. But I was wrong cause after a few hours in my friend’s boarding house, one of my barkada came. Well at least, my day did not ended up all messed up. Though I was not able to make almost 50% of the task I which to accomplished today, I am still happy that I was able to hangout with my friend. But though nice events came today, I still am bearing the muscle pain all through out the travel. I think I would get sick. My friends gave a few punches to me which is painful considering I am suffering muscle pain. But it was ok though since it was just for fun yet it was still painful. I arrived late today though I promise to my mom to be home early. I dont know if she was angry since she was already sleeping when I arrived. Though in pain, I still finished my whole day.
