Christmas is approaching but its not the topic here, its my birthday that is. Well, I kindda despise the idea that another year has been added to the number years I have lived. But I had to face it. I am departing to an age where most men are wed or mostly successful in fulfilling their dreams yet I am not one of those. I am still stuck in things they call schooling and imaturity. Well, everyone has their place in time. And my place is this though its kindda “not common” on my perspective. But I had to deal with it. Someone asked me “Have you done anything for the past years you have?”. Well, things are clearer to me. I understood a few things and figured out a lot of stuffs. I may not be that mature but I am less imature than when I was a few years back. I am still single though but hopeless looking and waiting for the someone. There is still a room for making friends in my heart and for someone I could share my life with. Yes, I am getting old.. but not really on numbers but of things that was revealed to me in the years of my life.
Archive for Life
Finding reason
Have you ever felt lonely? Well, if your normal then maybe once in your life you had been lonely. Being lonely, happy, or sad or even being angry is part of being human. But have you ever felt that you feel nothing? or the feeling of emptiness inside?. Well, i sometimes feel it too. Sometimes I see myself looking into the blankness. My mind tend to rest in the imagination. When I look up at stars at night, there’s something inside me that wants to be where the stars are.. because i think in those where the stars are lie the reason why I am here.. No one really knows what he is about to be until he is. Or no one really knows what he is destinied to be until he fulfilled his destiny…(libog?.. saunz)…. hmm.. sometimes because of thinking so much I just close my eyes and feel the breeze touching my body or the whistle of the wind in my ears. I know everything has a reason that’s why i want to know it.. for me knowing the reason would dignified every action I make in this life. And it would give meaning to why I am living for. Right now, I just live coz I need to or coz God give me time.. But for wanting to live, I dont know. It just so useless when everything you do you feel no soul in it. There is something missing.. Yet I dont know. Basic animal instinct strive me to go on each day. BUt you know what, each time my mind lift itself from the reality, I really pray that I would someday find my reason to live. Because I am like a zombie..(moving/living yet have no life). Everyday for me is just like another day. Another day to spend with people I hoped I never had known. ANother day of hardship yet I dont know what is this for me, not what other want me to think. Another day trying to convince myself that each morning/day has something to offer yet sometimes it has nothing. Maybe I just think too much of looking else where for the reason of my life.. maybe it was just right there before my eyes.. Once a friend said to me the most obvious things are the hardest things to notice… Maybe its true or maybe it is not.. i dont know..there are times I felt tired of thinking, I sometimes wished that at night when I closed my eyes, I would see no sunrise. But as you can see, God had not given my wish. Maybe someday when I fulfill what I have to do or if I had found my reason I would find peace. right now…… all i have to do… is do what I have to do coz maybe, just maybe on those things I will figure out the reason………
Unveiled Thoughts
Fear threaten our mind to hide what has been the thoughts that lingers inside. Worries or anxieties confuses even our heart into forcing us to do things we are not really entitled to do. May we all share the idea that “truth in all of its faces has one way of unveiling itself into the eyes of the one who seeks it”
being trapped in a relationship
his is not an unusual problem. A lot of early couples are experiencing this kind of issue. Trapped in the sense that the person in that relationship feels no future in their relationship. But he/she cant give up that person because his/her partner still holds on to them. And the partner is still believing that they can still make it.
It really sucks to be into something that is not working well. Honestly and open communication between partners really helps . The hardest part is taking the risk by deciding to let go and holding on to the decision for the better good. Ignoring wont drive this away cause a time will come that it would be a lot harder to fix the problem.
A lot of people experiencing this thinks that letting go or forcing their other partner to break their relationship is being cruel to their partner. Specially when they see that their partner is trying his/her best in holding on.
But this is not the case, it doesn’t mean that if the other one is trying to make ends meet in your relationship. Then everything would turned out to be fine. THe issue here is that you not growing as a couple if one ignores the issue because it would be cruelty or wrong and the other one is covering it up with efforts.
Its hard specially if you have been together for quite a long time and had beaten a lot of odds together. And it would a sad thing to admit to yourselves that your not growing close but farther apart. Admittance that you had this issue, honesty on speaking, listening, and had a courage to decide are the things you should put in mind.
A kiss that feels right
Ever since the ancient times, kiss has been one of the best way to show affection or respect to someone. A touching of one person’s lips to another place that somehow evolved through time and many kinds were born from it. But aside from that, kissing has been one of the ways to find a suitable partner.We sometimes came across to a lot of people who considered kissing someone a way to determine if that person was right for them. A lot also claimed that kissing someone who is really meant for you feels different or somewhat special compared to kissing other people. They call it “the spark”. Funny it seems that some rely on this spark to find the perfect one. Would a kiss be enough to decide if you are meant to be? Many would say “Yes”. But a few would be skeptical about it. But me, I don’t totally disagree with the whole thing but may add a few details. When you find someone or if you’re with someone meant for you, I beg not to be melodramatically about it, everything would feel right. Even the slightest breath of air, the sound, the moment, everything would feel right. And these things do not go one way. It is not only the kiss that would feel right when your with the one you love… but everything… would feel right.
… regrets…
Things we regret on:
1.) things we wished to have but did not
2.) words we wished to say but too late to be spoken
3.) things we wished to do but failed
4.) people we could have been but didnt have a chance to be
5.) people whom we wished could have stayed but left
6.) wonderful moments but did not last
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…… the list is endless unless we stop and think that regrets are nothing but a mere reflection of our cowardice in life. Regrets came to be since we were not able to achive our goals because we let ourselves being hindered by fear, insecurities, pride and other things. We start to regret when we stopped thinking that past is of the past or the past could never be changed. We could avoid these things if in our life, we do the things we really wanted to do and bearing all the consequences of it.
…… Life is directed by our choices. Carefully choosing those choices according to what we really wanted would be a way to lessen our regrets in life.. 
the Meaning of Living
I was just some ordinary guy who loves to surf the net, play chess, play Computer Games, watch animes and read stuffs. Life has been so simple to me. I got few friends but did not wished to be attached to them. I believe that as long as I keep my distance to them, the less pain they can inflict on me when time comes. But then, just out of the blue, she came. Unlike in the movies that there was some kind of an aura at first look, everything between us has been so casual. My resolve was certain at those time. But then, like what has always been said “You can never tell..”, strange things happened to me. I just cant exactly pin-point when did it really start, but this feeling is something greater than anything I have felt before. I know how scared I am, or how insecure I am, or how negative I am. But just as she holds my hand and bare that smile on her face, all the negativism in my mind just fades away. And all I can think is doing my best for her. I dont know why I was compelled to her. Maybe, just maybe, because I felt warm with her. I felt strength flowing into my veins everytime I see her smile. I never thought life could be this much meaningful to me just by seating with her even for a while. I was so selfish to wish that I could stop those time and be with her forever. But unlike fairytales with happy ending, it did not came to a good end. Because soon I realized that somehow I fell for a dream. She was just someone that was not part of my reality. Everything that has been happening was just out of my own imagination. I know that in that dream, I was real, she is real and we both felt thesame for each other. All that left in me, is the longing that I could have her back. She left with my heart. And I couldnt live just of the thought that all was just a dream for somehow deep within me it was most real thing I’ve ever been in my whole life. And she’s been the only girl that gives me the meaning of living…..
….wala ko nakauyon… (bisaya)
ug sadihang guisapot ko sa akong nahibalu-an.. Naa diay na-iritate nako? sa maigo lang.. irritating diay? saunz.. maypa ako ning guibuhat sa una irratating man diay.. mild-mild nah gali ni.. Sige.. kay irritating man.. paugatay tah… well, i wont lose anything. And take note, its not my problem if you cant handle my actions. And its fun I am this way. A lot of things came into view.. Actually, there are a lot of things I missed cause I am not what I am now. Saunz.. weLL, I am happy too bad they are not. Well, i hate to say this but if you hate me the way I am now, FUCK off.. i wont get in your way granted you wont get into mine. Finally, i thought they were with me since they were all around me but their true colors came into view and they showed me that we were just around me and only from there.. 
.. I thank God for I learn to be own my own, learning life my way and revealing the colors that surround me.. Padayun tah.. Paugatay tah.. And PS.. to the person nga na-irritate nako, keep it to your self.. and usa pasad I woNT hANG OUT to PIPOL I dont LIKE…
I want to Cry
I want to cry cause it compensates this surging pain in my heart. I want to cry to make my eyes sore of tears and somehow drains my heart with all the loneliness it bears. I want to cry to show I am this weak though I tried to be strong. I want to cry just to show everyone that there’s pain inside my heart that wants to be let out. I want to cry..I want to cry.. just to let you know it pains me that you said goodbye.
Not Saying The words Supposed to be Said
This is so common to most romantic/corny movies. What so hard in being honest to someone? What so hard in telling him/her the right words? Because of FEAR..but of what? Fear in truth? Hey if your afraid of the truth, then your life is all messed out. Keeping something to the person would do no good. Be honest. Say it. Say it till the person you are talking with can still hear it. Say it for time is running and each moment would passed by and never comes back. Saying it or regret the day all your life. Face the truth cause that would sets you free……….
